Why do people gossip? Why to people treat the stories and experiences of others like sayings on the back of a sugar packet?

Gossiping is like spreading mud from one hand to another, and the only thing you get in the end is a dirty hand.

Here is the story behind what I mean...

Saturday we came home to find a message on our machine from a lady named Connie from our Church. She has always been a nice lady and someone I counted as a friend. She said that she’d heard about my grandma and was sorry, and then came the kicker...she’d heard that I’d had a miscarriage and was sorry about that too.

After I ranted around my house slamming doors and steam coming out my ears, I wondered to myself how has the most personal event of my life now become news for the members of our congregation.

So I called Connie, and she told me that it had been announced that my MOTHER had died. This is was just another example of a game of telephone gone really bad. Then she asked about the miscarriage. I told her that it was true, I’d lost my pregnancy in October, but then I asked how she found out. Here is what she told me....

“I asked your friend (Too Much Information Friend (TMIF), by the way) where you’d been the last month and about your grandmother. TMIF told Connie that I wasn’t really sad about my Grandma (not true) but was really sad that I’d miscarried. I finished up my conversation with Connie and asked her to please not talk about my miscarriage with anyone else, I just don’t want the whole church to know—she’s not the only person who has asked me about this either. She agreed and we hung up. My next call was to TMIF.

“Ring...Ring...Hello TMIF, I just got off the phone with Connie and I’ve had a most enlightening conversation.” I recounted what we’d talked about and then I asked her, “Why are you telling people I had a miscarriage? I told you that in confidence! What are you thinking?”

TMIF apologized and said she was sorry many times. I accepted her apology but told her that unlike her I don’t tell people every little bit of my personal life. I don’t share the intimate details of my personal life with everyone who passes by, like she does. I continued: “The only reason I told you in the first place was so you’d quit bugging me to come and see your new baby. You needed to understand why I had to back away from seeing you. Now I have to face total strangers coming up to me and asking about this. You know people are really gossipy in this town, and now I have to face total strangers who know about my personal life”

Again she was sorry. I believe she was genuine in her apology, but now I am in serious damage control mode. Now you might ask, if you are so concerned about people knowing about your miscarriage why are you writing about it on the internet? Good question, because I don’t have to see anyone that reads this face to face, and I am anon on this blog. I don’t use my real name, and I know only 3 people that read this face to face. I don’t have to run into any of you at the grocery store and risk dissolving into a heap of panic attack inspired tears and frustrations. If you saw me on the street you wouldn’t know it was me. I am nemo, I am no one.

I managed to end the conversation in somewhat of a measured tone with TMIF, but I am still upset, and clung to my husband yesterday, lest anyone dare ask about personal details in Church.

So my question is, why do people treat the secrets of others like sayings on the back of a sugar packet--free for the taking? I don’t know. Gossip is ugly, mean and wrong. I won’t trust TMIF with anything more than a hang nail in the future.